I Watched Emelia Perez and It Was Insane.

In 2014 I became obsessed with the Oscars. Since then, I rate every Best Picture Nominee from 0-100 and keep the scores in a Google Sheet:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1gV8A6Z9s_PLAHB0hyisDXdHR3rrm6ixGCTrxmYhcUyk/edit

I wrote about it here. If you don't want to learn everything about me and just want the score, here is how we score movies here:

Great Movie, Would Recommend Them To Anyone  = 93-100

You Won't Be Upset You Watched It At All, But I Wouldn't Recommend It To Everybody = 86-92

That Was A Good Movie, But I May Never Think About This Movie Again = 80-85

Eh.... How Did THAT Get Nominated? = 70-79

I'm Pissed Off That I Watched That Whole Movie = 69 and Below

Today's movie is Emilia Perez.

From Wikipedia:

A Mexican lawyer is offered an unusual job to help a notorious cartel boss retire and transition into living as a woman, fulfilling a long-held desire.

First off, this is a spoiler review. I will give one paragraph of my quick thoughts with the score at the bottom if you just want to jump to that before you watch.

THOUGHTS:

Some parts are insane. Nothing makes sense. You will never ever see what’s coming next. Ever. This movie is the very definition of a 7 year old telling you a story, but keeps on saying “and then….. and then….” Like they just picked stuff out of a hat and squeezed it into the last 40 minutes of that movie haha. I enjoyed it significantly more than I thought I did, but in no way shape or form should that movie win Best Picture. (NOW ONTO SPOILERS)

Spoilers Ahead:

Dude what the fuck was that movie? The first 20ish minutes are in Spanish, but what was hilarious is the first scene they spoke in English was when they went from Mexico City to Bangkok. That's where this beauty of a scene broke out:

https://x.com/JeffDLowe/status/1882434456356835437

After seeing tweets like this, I wasn't too pumped to watch this movie. But let me tell you something: this movie just keeps going, and I think its in a good way? 

Those last 40 minutes is where they shove so many memorable moments. It was like they were just pulling ideas out of a hat and shoving them into the story line. After transitioning from a former cartel boss into Emelia, she goes on a rampage of stuff that doesn't really make sense, but fuck it. Wants to find all of the dead bodies that she was responsible for and really just getting all of the praise without the public consequences of her past. Then, Emelia forces her ex-wife (Selena Gomez) and kids to move in with them. Hooks up with another lady. Physically assaults her ex-wife when she says she's marrying someone else. Then gets kidnapped and held ransom by her ex-wife (Selena Gomez) and her new husband. They cut Emelia's fingers off and send them to her best friend and business partner (Zoe Saldana). A shootout happens. Emelia tells Selena Gomez that she is her ex-husband. Then when Selena Gomez's new husband takes Emelia and forces Selena to get in the car with him, she STEALS his gun while he's driving. They drive off a cliff and Selena Gomez, Emelia Perez and Selena's new husband are all dead.

Movie over. That's insane.

Those last 40 minutes were so chaotic and hectic that I enjoyed the shit out of it. There were PLENTY of weird holes in the movie. Sometimes it felt like they only really had one take and didn't film a scene a second time. Look at this background dancer I saw IN THE MOVIE. He just straight up messes up:

So with ALL of that in mind, my SCORE IS.....

86.

That's right up there with Power of the Dog. Another Netflix movie that I actually liked more than others. I don't think others would love it, but I don't regret watching it. I think Zoe Saldana could easily win an Oscar for this. She was great. Karla Sofía Gascón was good too, so this MIGHT get two decent chances? I have to see the rest of the movies.

NOT worth historic amounts of nominations though...